Do you know what does it feel like, to adore an artist that defines your music taste when you’re at that “critical” age of 14, whose songs you listen to everytime you feel like everything is impossible, whose name you’d write with love sign all over your middle school books, that tragically die couple days before your wedding day?
I discovered Chris Cornell through Audioslave’s first album. Might be a little late, compared to lots of his fans, but the fact everyone my age was all about the screamo scene at the time, looking back now it just feels so special. I believe, it was the very first time that I found “my music”, apart from my older sisters’ influence (talking about oldest sister’s Spice Girl & British alternatives, second sister’s Brian McKnight & P.Diddy, and third sister’s Korn and Limp Bizkit).
Let’s just say I was awed by Cornell’s voice and most importantly, his writing skill. At the time, I was already a self-acclaimed productive poem writer, so I “studied” beautiful, powerful words, and Cornell’s works were nothing but all that.
Then I explored Cornell’s solo pieces, and decided that Euphoria Morning was one of the best albums ever. I know he’s not the only one, but knowing that he started the album while battling with addictions and depression, and Soundgarden disbanding, was impressive. He’s gifted.
Fast forward 12 years later. I knew some songs that would definitely make it to my wedding songs’ list, and I knew I would sing to Finally Forever on my reception. I did. But I would never have thought that Chris Cornell, would already be dead of suicide couple days before that. Hanging himself.
DMs I got from my fiance (now husband) and dearest friends when the news broke, touched me deeply.
“Netta, Chris Cornell passed away.”
“Net, Chris Cornell 😥 I thought about you immediately. It must be hard for you.”
They knew my “relationship” with Chris Cornell was different, fundamental, life-changing…It’s just another level. I grew up with his works. I “stood by him” when people reacted to the Scream album badly. Here and there I would update “Listening to Sunshower by Chris Cornell” on Path or Facebook. It was, and still, the tune I listened to everytime I felt like “I’m-sad-let’s-listen-to-some-sad-song.”
Wedding, honeymoon right after, and going back to work got me busy. I think a month after Cornell’s death, it just really started sinking to me that…he’s gone. Gone, gone. Then later we heard about Chester Bennington.
I was broken. Beyond words can describe.
It was supposed to be Cornell’s birthday. I can’t help but thinking of Euphoria Morning was re-released with its original title, how actually Chris wanted it, Euphoria Mourning.
Euphoria mourning. So fitting it’s heartbreaking.
Chris Cornell’s official Instagram account is reposting condolences from his loved ones. They’re like long, old school, hand written love letters, about love that had to harshly end. If I’m broken, I can’t imagine how those people feel. Some are other music geniuses that worked with Cornell on a daily basis, meaning they had such great chemistry.
Do they feel like they’re losing a part of their selves as well?
I wish I could understand depression. But then again, maybe Cornell and Bennington wouldn’t want me to. I wish, I knew Chris Cornell in person and during his dark time, I would hug him and say, “Chris, listen to yourself in Sunshower. Everything’s gonna be okay. You’re loved.”
I moved from Sunshower and today, I blasted me some Show Me How to Live, Be Yourself, and Revelations; the tunes that never failed to pump me. Chris Cornell might be gone, but his brilliant works remain.
I’m good. I’ll be just fine.
In the end, what can we learn from all this is simply, nothing lasts forever.
I love you Chris Cornell