Once I heard a say, the less words you need to express something, then the better writer you are.
Let’s see how brief I can document 2018 in my words; sweet enough to cherish, factual enough to remind me all the colorful footprints.
Just when I thought I had no new year-resolutions, I decided to go cruelty-free with my beauty products three days into 2018. Threw away four bottles of Estee Lauder Double Wear foundations. Literally travelled the world to find Kevyn Aucoin curler to replace my old Shu Uemura and Shiseido. Went two days without mascara or foundation. Hard-earned Tom Ford and Bobbi Brown, off they went. No looking back.
While the cruelty-free journey been relatively easy and fun with makeup, it’s a totally different battle with skincare. My first cleanser, sunscreen and moisturizer are still not cruelty-free. And it is a must for me to see them replaced before 2019 ends. I am committed, and I know god will be with me through trial and error 2.0 once 2019 kickstarts. LOL.
Let me end this part by saying THANK YOU, to all my followers, that sent me moving messages throughout the year because of this decision, and the opportunity for me to inspire you to take the same path.
On The Grind
I can’t describe how awesome I felt, writing my goodbye to 2017. Last year I saw myself back blogging, writing poems and fictions, after years of hiatus. It’s fair to say in 2017, I tried to bring back my old hobbies. It was half an “effort”, almost. I remember putting myself to a new habit, whenever I was commuting back home from events in Uber, I had to close my eyes and mentally triggered myself, “The hell is overwhelming you today? Joy, anger? Write it down. Metaphors, similes? Freaking write it down.”
And from that, #nettnotes was born, and writing was no longer a forced attempt to find my way back to….whatever writing meant for me when I started at 14.
Even cooler, not just writing…I started sketching again again, and started a YouTube channel!
Feeling accomplished is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. And feeling accomplished, for me, is beyond just being productive. Beyond titles, or outdoing your peers. It is doing what makes you feel “alive” and content, and not letting adulting or generic routine to get in the way.
2019 challenge: start writing poems in Indonesian again.
Changes, Bad and Good
Taking a (long) break from full-time job is probably the most unexpected dynamic in my life in 2018. Mondays became a burden. I started to feel uninspired. I constantly felt underwhelmed, under-appreciated, tired inside-out, that led to stress, hospital visits and crazy breakout. I knew I had to quit.
Even new offers and opportunities didn’t really work, and it hit me: maybe I had been sabotaging myself. I literally have no break from working since 2012. I remember when Mondays were not a challenge. I remember when working was more than just a 9 to 5 phase or showing up.
If any of you reading this, happen to be facing a similar situation, please allow me to tell you: put yourself first. Don’t worry about money, or the society. Sometimes we don’t get what we need/ want in life, simply because we never ask for it. When I feared I was wasting opportunities, or being ungrateful by turning down offers, god showed me He knew better in what should happen with me, and when it should take place. And without a full-time job for months, god opened other doors for me.
It’s beyond amazing, the power of prayer. I could testify how many times, during these past few months, god answered my prayers overnight, healed my doubts in a snap, or gave me more when I thought I was losing.
Speaking of changes, this year I also see myself changing my expectations towards a group of people. A group of people that I used to admire and depend on, both on personal and professional level. After a thorough thinking, and making sure that I was not trying to play victim, I decided that I had to change my expectations when it comes to them. That’s my way of accepting, and moving on. No ties being cut, it’s just relocating most of the attention to other group of people.
Some notable highlight this year must be the joy that is watching the boy band CNCO live, seeing the story of my youth, Call Me by Your Name, getting recognition with the movie rendition, and putting my mom, and myself, above all.
After all being said and done, if I had to choose a word or two to represent my 2018 (2017’s being “accomplished”), it would be self-reliance.
How was your year? How would you sum it up?