Escaping Death and Desperate Poems: My 2019

I take it as a good thing when I couldn’t find time to review my 2019 before the NYE. I was busy, I was enjoying my time, and oh, I remained alive.

Before we get into that, I feel responsible and accountable to review my 2019 targets:

100% Cruelty Free

A lot of trial, and minimal error in making my beauty routine 100% cruelty free last year. I started 2019 with a mission to find my sunscreen, first cleanser and non-prescribed moisturizer matches. Found them in Supergoop!, Korean I’m from and local Indonesian brand, Mustika Ratu.

Mission: accomplished.

Still a Struggling Poet

I wrote exactly a dozen of fictions (poems and flash fictions) in 2019, and sadly none in Indonesian. Believe me, I tried, but it just didn’t happen. When I really tried to start, the first few words would come out cheesy as if I “tried” to be poetic. 


It’s a bad sign when you’re writing and spend most of your time cringing on the “wrong” deliveries, rather than focusing on the actual messages. As much as I want to have a binder full of self-written Indonesian poems like the ones I had in middle school, I’m just gonna take it easy now…

Like the name of my non-beauty-posts blog menu, you can find my fictions on Instagram under the hashtag #nettnotes.

Business: unfinished. 

April 2019

The Ups 

Maybe, you’ve been following my Instagram, or subscribed to my YouTube channel.  Then you might be aware of what happened in late March 2019: a Go-Jek accident that cracked my head open, four days of ICU after surviving a brain hemorrhage surgery, and months of recovery where I eventually left my job. At Go-Jek.

I suffered physically. I am grateful for all my closest friends and families. And I learned of the kinds of people that I don’t want to be. 

The people that failed to see how I struggled to cope with my creative suffer. Can you tell me how it feels like, not being able to bend your head down for three months? Watching your garden turn brown and grey because you cannot water it for months? How can a ten minutes car rides make you feel like dying? Or what it feels like when the only writing you can do is Instagram caption?

I can.

Sorry, I cannot and am not willing to go into details. Which people, what happened, etc.. I want to keep memories that can make me smile, or hold my breath in awe. Not ones that make me roll my eyes,  or exhale in disbelieve.

Thank you to all my followers, that endlessly messaged me asking how I was doing, or simply wishing me a smooth recovery. Not just once or twice; some of you were being so caring and generous. Thank you!

Now I have resumed everything that was on pending: writing, shooting, working, cooking. Going out, even having two freaking SOLO trips

God is Good 

Without trying to turn this post into a religious one, I feel blessed. The accident, and all the following unfortunate occurrences, eventually only made me feel like a reborn adult.

Adults learn. Adults let go. Adults take matters into our own hands. Adults don’t let angers linger, because adults move on.

December 2019

So, what targets do I set for myself in 2020? I think I just want to keep being a better and better adult. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with a fasciculation syndrome. But after all the things I had to go through, being dependent on vitamins don’t sound like a bad thing at all

Funny enough, my “word of the year” previously was “self-reliance”. For 2019, it really could be self-reliance 2.0. But no, it’s not entirely my strength.

My 2019 in a word: grateful. 

Please tell me the best things you learned in 2019. And I wish you all a blessed, fun, productive, happy 2020.



4 thoughts on “Escaping Death and Desperate Poems: My 2019

  1. OMG mbak netta… since I havent followed your Instagram, I didnt know what happen. But I’m glad that you’re still alive. Barakalloh mbak netta, semoga makin sehat, makin happy.


  2. Kak nettaaa bru bgt baca ini. Selalu suka sma penjelasan kak netta (kak dara juga) apalagi klu satu video duhh.

    Btw paling suka bagian ini
    “I want to keep memories that can make me smile, or hold my breath in awe. Not ones that make me roll my eyes,  or exhale in disbelieve”

    Semogaaaa selalu diberikan kesehatan terus kak netta💖


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